my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
