I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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