hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
