I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
