I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So squirting runs in the family.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
