his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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