Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
