Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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