I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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