We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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