I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
