I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
