The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
