Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
