i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
