One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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