i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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