is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
