Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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