dude i'm inner monologue high
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
