Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
