we have officially lost it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
