im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
