I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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