I am puke
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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