yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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