We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
