my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
