I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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