Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
