She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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