I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
