I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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