I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
