im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
