Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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