Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
