i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how can u be prego again
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
