I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
