In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
