I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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