I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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