Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
