I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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