The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh god it's open bar.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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