i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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