i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Randomize
