I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
