i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have tasted many bathrooms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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