yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she looked like the before picture.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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