Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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