New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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