i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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