4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
