I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
