You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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