the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
