eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
