Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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