My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
