So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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